What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 02:14
I had hoped to write a book about this .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
How can I be okay with being ugly? What is the bright side?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Can you share a story of someone who had a lucky experience while hitchhiking?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
This is soul school!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As i do to all so called friends.?
What was the hottest inappropriate sex you ever had?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One cannot live in the past .
I could never make a relationship work though!
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I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
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I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
If you were a writer for HBO, how would you rewrite the final season of Game of Thrones?
I think the readers, may guess!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Has a psychic ever made a crazy prediction that turned out to be true?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I have no regrets .
Why should you never do drugs? Will this story absolutely shock you?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She wouldn,t have been !
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Is Trump the greatest spiritual leader since Jesus?
He resisted the act ,that day.
And i lived it daily.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He knew the spot.
Do you believe that Jesus was God on Earth?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Are judges being lenient on hard criminals?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I will be 64.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We were not on the streets..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was seconnd youngest,
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im still living with it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Put me off passion for life!!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
It was going to be , some day.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Who then, do I blame.?
(And it was in our own minds.)
All the time i was locked up.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Ive learnt so much.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I said to her
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We all went to grammer schools
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I couldn’t, believe it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I write beautiful poetry .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was 9 years of age.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My life is so biszare .
But it wasn’t much.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She loved him until the end.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
What did i know ?
So whats the point in blame.
My family never makes their pension either.
She married twice! .
She was in good health!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was very sick at this time too.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I don,t even have a pension.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But, we were locked up after school.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I waited trembling.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
So, i spoilt her more .
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was scared of men, in general
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
When she asked me how she looked .
Comes on , in middle age.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Would this be the day?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She found it foreign!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!